Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
