We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
