Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
