I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
