before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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