ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
