She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Enjoy the penises
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
