Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
