My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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