38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm passing your future prison.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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