hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
