My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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