I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
