there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
