Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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