Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
