Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
