How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
