kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i love accidental penises.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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