Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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