Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
