just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize