my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
