actually, I'm a sock model
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My liver is preforming stress tests.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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