just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
