Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
