Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
