in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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