Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
