If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
