i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
