Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
