Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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