really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
