Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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