We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
