I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
