birth control should be required to get into college
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
