Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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