i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
