Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
