and you said cock pushups were impossible
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
