If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
