Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
