Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The air was thick with penises
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
