a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize