I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
