I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She bit a glass in half.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize