Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
