I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
