I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
