If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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