burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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