I just pynch a tree in the face
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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