Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize