Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
