Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
