yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
