Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
