Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
