this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
