i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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