to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
