those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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