mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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