Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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