Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
