I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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