Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize