Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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