I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
