So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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