Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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