Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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