He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
