ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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