So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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