just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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