Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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