why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
