you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
