I should be sponsored by Trojan
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
