I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
