i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
