The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
