where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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