There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
