Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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