Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
