dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
