That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
