The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
