I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
