Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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