I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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