I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
