i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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