it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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