So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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