Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
