PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
two words: eviction party
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
