Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dignity is for republicans.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
