My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
