just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
