Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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