dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Randomize
