I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
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