Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
