She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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